Dadisai

1. Who are you?
I am a mom, wife and social justice champion at heart on a journey to find and embrace my full self.

2. What does “I AM Enough” and/or “Journey2Enough” mean to you?
Because I am, I am worthy, despite the journey I am on or what I have or lack.

3. Ancient research and psychology has shown that it is believed that our source of inadequacy or our wound, starts very early in our childhood. What would you say was the source of your inadequacy when you were growing up and why? Or maybe it started in your adulthood. Speak to whatever makes sense to you.
I concur with this idea because our early experiences affect how we respond to the world, they create a sort of blueprint for our personality. I grew up in a home with trauma and often we had to outwardly act as if everything was fine. This made me a perfectionist or obsessed with the idea that things must always be perfect outward no matter the turmoil going on inside. I still find it difficult to ask for help and be vulnerable as a result as I see it as a sign of inadequacy.

4. How have you conquered it?
I have learnt the hard way through burn out and coaching but I have not yet conquered it but at least I have now identified it and the triggers therefore I am learning to manage it.

5. I believe we live in a world that is riddled with what I call the comparison pandemic that magnifies our inadequacies rather than magnify what we already have, how do you relate to this comparison pandemic?
The area I struggle with the “I am not good enough” narrative is being a mom and in my career. As a mom, I find that my children have really shown me parts of me that I need to let go and grow. That is hard, so I have learnt that I don’t have to be perfect to be a good mother. So I try to even apologise to my kids when I feel my reaction was inappropriate or excessive. I hope this will help them to be vulnerable and learn that it’s ok to make mistakes.

As a professional, the imposter syndrome is an uncomfortable companion, a thief of joy and a dimmer of light. It makes me focus on what I am not good at and sometimes over use my strength which is also not always productive. I am learning to unapologetically own my success and what I am good at and run with it and observe my self talk in those moments of doubt.

6. What do you practice if you do, to magnify what you have rather than contribute to the “i am not good enough narrative”?
I believe in the power of gratitude, focusing on the good things and what has gone well. A practice I learnt some time ago is to document the things I pray for or my goals so that when it happens or when the “ghost of not good enough” lurks I remind myself that I am living the life I prayed for. I also believe in the power of my thoughts, “As a man thinks so he is.” (Proverbs 23:7) so meditating on this and crafting my journey one positive thought at a time.

7. Research has shown that women suffer from “craving of being liked” as compared to men who will rock up and do what needs to be done without considering repercussions, have you experienced that? The likability challenge? And how have you dealt with it?
Oh boy, I feel men get a free pass on this more than women. I have often felt when I do this as a woman I am told I am being aggressive or brushed and then I start to doubt myself and second guess myself.

8. What would you say to someone sitting at home and is feeling inadequate in whatever sphere of their life? Because what we know is that the feeling of inadequacy has levels and spheres. You could be making it in your professional life but something in your personal life is not going so well and is making you feel like you are not enough? How does one transfer that feeling of being whole from one sphere to the next?
When I can answer this one I will have made it! I would say let the moments and the areas where you feel like you are making it remind you of who you are! You are that girl, the same girl who is killing it at home , can bring that a-game to work vice-versa. Also ask yourself why you perceive that you are failing in this other area?

9. What is the one thing that you live by that helps you snap out of feeling inadequate?
Whether I am feeling scared or doubtful, the only way is to get to the other side and often when I make it, diminishes the inadequacy the next time.

10. What does courage mean to you?
Courage to me means showing up as my true self, honouring my boundaries and taking care of myself. Forgetting this “abantu bazothini” (What will people say) mentality.

11. What have you learnt in your journey that has contributed to your
journey to enough?
I will never be good enough until I learn to first fully embrace my full self and own my stories. The biggest hurdle I have learnt I need to overcome is practising empathy for myself I am often my biggest critic and this leads to a confirmation bias in terms of what clues I am picking on around me.

12. What would you say to your younger self?
Hmmmm…… I am still thinking and reflecting on this one.

13. What is your hope for this movement?
That we find a safe space to just drop the façade and learn that there is magic in all of us! We are more powerful and capable than we give ourselves credit for. We are enough!

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